Let’s say you ran a summer camp. And let’s say every few years some guy in a hockey mask or his mom or Corey Feldman went on a killing-spree there. Let’s also say one of the victims was Kevin Bacon.
Well, you have a major PR problem now, don’t you. Do you have a crisis communications plan in place for these kinds of completely plausible events?
This week’s Friday Flash takes a look at the value of PR teams in crisis communications on this day where crises happen the most, Friday the 13th. Having watched the majority of Friday the 13th movies over the years (never saw the one where he battles Freddy Krueger), I can honestly conclude that not once did anyone at Camp Crystal Lake ever have a crisis communications plan ready. Or how to run away from a guy with a machete plan. Or how to turn on a light in a dark room plan. Or even how not to go looking in the woods for a lost dog without a flashlight plan.
So, what is a good Friday the 13th Crisis Communications Plan? Here you go:
- Tell the story of the survivor. Hey, there is at least one in each spree. Focus on them and how they overcame those obstacles and found the inner strength to succeed. Oprah will love that story. BuzzFeed will have that on steady rotation.
- Don’t be afraid to tell the truth on this one. Somehow, the ghost of a kid who drowned at the lake decades ago (and not under your watch!) came back and randomly killed people for no reason What So Ever. Or maybe it’s revenge. But you are not really sure if he is and/or was a ghost. Or maybe he is something else. Maybe it’s his mother. And maybe it’s not revenge. By the time you explain what is going on, the media will be so confused and will go back to talking about Trump again.
- Block Crazy Ralph on Twitter. He told you that you were doomed. And he is going to tweet that stuff out. Just ignore him for your sanity’s sake.
- Blame the NHL for promoting a culture of violence that led to the killer wearing a hockey mask. Blaming the NHL for anything is always a good strategy.
- We always tell people to have a spokesperson ready. Usually someone high up in your organization. Sadly, most of the directors at Camp Crystal Lake get murdered. So, make sure you have a spokesperson who doesn’t work at the camp. We are available!
- Not the time to bring up Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon.
- Hold a meeting with the town people to let them air their grievances. Livestream it.
- Announce you are increasing counselors’ pay to double the state average. People like money. You will have new employees in no time.
- Remind people that most years, no one gets killed at the camp. The odds are in their favor.
- Change the camp’s name and logo. Just don’t use Camp Blood.
- Ever seen Sleepaway Camp? Man, that is much freakier than anything that happens at Camp Crystal Lake.
Well, good luck. And don’t go investigate that mysterious noise in the shed. That is a free tip.
